Friday, March 19, 2010

Recycled GMA Jokes

This one was inspired by Susan Roces' impassioned speech rejecting Arroyo’s insincere "I am sorry." Susan said, "Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw".

The joke:
Ipa-annul na nina GMA at Mike Arroyo ang kanilang kasal. Kasi magkapatid pala sila!

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Next came from political analyst Billy Esposo when it was reported that Arroyo’s official visit to Saudi Arabia was cancelled last September. Malacañang’s lame explanation for the cancellation was the King was in the province and won’t be in Riyadh to receive Arroyo.

The joke:
Ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit na-cancel ang official visit ni Arroyo sa Saudi ay dahil sa Saudi, ang sinungaling ay pinuputulan ng dila, ang magnanakaw at pinuputulan ng kamay, at ang masama ang balak at pinuputulan ng ulo. Kapag pumunta siya doon, wala ng matitira sa kanya.

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The next one is inspired by Arroyo’s countless lies.

The joke:
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man,
"Whose clock is that?" "That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible, " said the man.

"And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter responded, "That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where’s Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s clock?" asked the man. St Peter replied, "The Philippine President’s’ clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan."

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Place: Gate of Heaven, San Pedro was entertaining souls of newly-dead people.

Soul 1: Good morning po San Pedro. Andyan po ba name ko?
San Pedro: Good morning FPJ, ayon dito sa Aklat ng Buhay, me mga nagawa
kang mga kasalanan. Pero dahil maliliit lang naman, pwede ko na
ikaw papasukin, reward ko na sa iyo dahil mapagparaya ka.
GMA : Good morning po San Pedro, andyan po ba name ko?
San Pedro : Binuklat ang aklat ng buhay, saka sinabing, "Wala ang pangalan
mo dito"
GMA : Baka po hindi mo lang nakita?"paki- check po ulit.
San Pedro : Iha, wala talaga, sorry.
Galit na galit si GMA, kinuha sa bulsa ang cellphone niya, nagpunta sa isang sulok saka tumawag:
GMA : Hello Garci!!, di sabi ko sa iyo ayusin mo ang record ko dito sa taas!!
Bakit wala name ko dito? Ha? Asan ka kamo?
Kasama ka ni Lucifer?
Garci: Opo, mam. Hinihintay ka rin po dito.

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GMA to Garci: Hello Garci, Pasahan mo naman ako ng load, este, vote.

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Q: What is GMA’s secret business in the last elections?
A: Pasa-vote.
Q:Why can’t GMA come out and say "I’m not the ‘ma’am’ in the tape?"
A: She doesn’t want to lie!

Contributor: Kapitan Abner - ITSI Boy sa Afghanistan

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